NaDonna (munster_momma) wrote in parenting_alone,

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Lately, like within the last week or so, my little girl has decided that she is no longer as angelic as everyone would like to think. Now, I know most people would like to throw out the "Terrible Two's" phrase, but quite frankly, I don't believe that it's just the kids fault and that parents can perpetuate the idea by using and thinking through that phrase. Having said that, let's continue.

Gromit has lately been using the workd no alot more. Not just randomly either. This evening, I had to ask her if she would start listening to me the first time and she said "Uh-huh." Then I asked if she would stop hitting people and she said "No." She's been struggling with listening and obeying the first or even thrid time around. She has decided to start running into streets without a hand or being carried. She has decided not to go to bed, but rather sneak out of her room and get into all sorts of mishceief until I find her. Tues night she didn't fall asleep until 11pm.

This is really frustrating me and I can tell my temper is running dangerously thin for her. She's been in more time outs in the last week than in her whole life and I even swatted at her butt the night she wouldn't sleep. I'm loosing patience with her throughout the day so that night is just bad for the both of us.

How do I control her and myself so that she learns instead of just fears?! I am in desperate need for advice.
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Hmm, hard to really say without knowing more details, really; y'know, a little more personality info about each of you, and what you're already doing or have already tried. So... I'll just relate what's worked for me so far.

Whenever kidlet gets into a situation that requires correction, I stop her and we talk about it - my understanding of her reasons, possible consequences for herself and/or others... I relate it back to her as much as possible; ie. she doesn't like it when people hit her. I (try to) give her alternatives and we discuss that quickly as well; I try to come up with something that allows her to make a choice so she feels like she's involved in the whole process.

I've also tried to avoid negative statements as much as possible; eg. if she wants a treat, I'll tell her, "not right now, sweetie, but you may have one after dinner, okay?" If (WHEN!) she gets forceful about it, I then give her the choice (as per above) of having it after dinner, or just putting it away until tomorrow. I remain firm and consistant on decisions, else kidlet will learn that she might get what she wants by having a fit.

As for your own sanity, what helped me was my own mindset while she was in a timeout... she would be screaming and kicking in her room, and initially it drove me maaaaad. One realization became very important: she needs to vent and there is nothing I can do for her right now. Breath and relax.

I'm sure much of this has been heard before, and/or is already being done... so I'm not sure if this is of much help.
I think that the Terrible Twos is a real thing (though, as I think of it, that's kind of a harsh term to use). Kids just tend to go through certain phases, and at that age they are suddenly realizing that they are independant little people, and that they have more power than they thought. Mine is so much older, it's hard to remember what worked for me back then. But one thing is to give them choices. Like, "Do you want to take the black teddy bear or the red doggie to bed with you now?" Then you aren't giving her a choice about actually going to bed, but you are giving her a little bit of control.

Good luck!
I try the choices thing sometimes and she just does "no" in a pissy way. LOL Sometimes I get an answer and contentment, though , so I have to work harder on that. Thanks darling.